On the road again

About six years ago I was working for a contract cotton picker. I was doing then pretty much the same as I am doing now - following the pickers (and mulcher) around with a sidebuster. I don't even like being on cotton farms at picking time; when asked once what job I wanted to do at pick I said "Sow wheat." So I got to sow 8000 acres of wheat while everybody else was getting stressed.

Anyhoo, back to six years ago; I was driving the tractor back to the contractors place between Boggabilla and Goondiwindi, a distance of about 250 kilometres. As the tractor and rig was overwidth I had an escort vehicle front and rear (should have had a police escort but, heh.). For the first 110k's or so we managed to stay on backroads out of the traffic, but the last 130k's was straight up the Newell Highway. It is usually a fairly uneventful experience roading a tractor and implement; occasionally a truckie will talk to you on the two-way for a while, asking how the implement works or telling you about his time on tractors, and now and then some goose will get a bit stroppy for slowing him down.

As I said, I had an escort vehicle front and rear. We were all talking to each other all the time, so if traffic was building up behind, the rear escort would let me know and I would pull off of the road. If a truck was coming up behind us the front escort could tell him when it was safe to pass, regardless of the linemarkings. Generally speaking, this system worked well, except for a couple of Grey Nomads who were in a Hilux ute pulling a caravan which needed a Landcruiser to tow it safely. I was heading up a single lane rise - double lines - and we called a truck through. So far, so good. Old Mate in the Hilux saw the truck go and thought "What's good for the goose..." and went, too.

Big mistake. The truck took off up the hill like it was supposed to and the Hilux wheezed up beside me like an asthmatic old dog. The rear escort vehicle erred in not letting me know that he was coming and I didn't notice him until he was nearly level with me. At pretty much the same time I noticed a road train coming over the hill towards us. He had nowhere to go but over the Hilux and the Hilux had nowhere to go but under the road train. I hit the turning brakes and went bush to give the Hilux somewhere to run. I bounced through the table drain at nearly 40k's in a vehicle with no suspension and two or three ton of sidebuster hanging off the back of it. I split my head open on the cab roof it bounced that much. I was lucky not to break a diff housing.

In what was pretty much the single best piece of driving that I have ever seen, the roadtrain driver did the same thing on the opposite side of the road. How he kept the wheels underneath it is beyond me. Some people are just born to their job. The Hilux driver just carried on, oblivious to it all. I don't think that he even noticed anything.

Naturally enough, there was a fair bit of chatter on the two-way after that. Most of it was about the dickhead in the Hilux and what a **** **** **** ******* ****** he was. After a couple of minutes the dickhead came on and joked about it like nothing had happened. Much attempted re-education ensued, to no avail. He was old and had seen it all before.

We got back tp Boggabilla and washed the tractor down, did some maintenance and packed it in, ready to hook in the following morning. We were staying at the caravan park. On my way back from the shower, I noticed a familiar Hilux. My first thought was "Crush, kill, destroy!" but he was old, so I had to show a bit of respect. I went over and tried some more re-education. Still didn't sink in. He was a monument to his upbringing and you can't put brains in a monument.