The end is nigh

NASA scientists have been getting fairly excited recently because they were going to throw a Maytag at a comet.
Yesterday they did it and it all went pear shaped. Instead of just blowing a mob of tiny, harmless fragments into space, leaving a football stadium sized crater, the comet, Tempel 1, exploded into lethal chunks, all of which are headed directly for earth.
At first scientists feared that the Deep Impact mission was a bust and began preparing press releases blaming the other blokes for the imminent end of civilisation as we know it. Some of the pointier of the pointy heads stayed at their desks, however, and using the most advanced technology known to science fiction, were able to precisely map the trajectories and damage zones of the fragments. Amazingly, the pointiest heads were amazed. Each chunk was aimed at a specific target and was large enough to destroy that target but leave minimal collateral damage. Although these targets are all over the globe, the total amount of loss of life will be statistically insignificant. In Australia, for instance, chunks will hit the Big Brother house at Dreamworld, the 2 UE studios in Sydney (at between 9a.m. and noon), Eddie MacGuire's house and the mythical locations of Summer Bay and Erinsborough. Overseas chunk recipients include the New York headquarters of Def Jam Records and the Volvo factory in Sweden.
From being on the verge of disaster, NASA have now declared the Deep Impact mission the most important in the history of overblown superlatives, because of the fact that it proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that God exists and that he is a just God.