I'm better than you are! Nyah, nyah, nyah!

Especially if (like our Fearless Leader) you believe in greatness by association. What follows is a few things I've done that you probably haven't, starting with the fact that I've met nineteen different world champions in various sports, ranging from Jack Brabham and Lionel Rose to Marcus Ringuet (see if it Googles; it's pretty obscure and I'm too lazy). My favourite was Sue Stanley - anybody who swims laps in an aerobic suit of the 'g' sting variety is ok by me. Between them they won about forty-five titles; good, aren't I?

Something else I've done you probably haven't: a 'vertical up' weld whilst suspended by my ankles from an excavator boom about eighteen feet down a twenty six inch diameter pipe.

I've also been struck by lightning. Well, o.k., I wasn't actually struck by lightning, but when you're seven years old and the brick letterbox you're running past on your way to shelter explodes and you are knocked out, it's close enough.

What else? Let's see, I've had sex in the front seat of a Volkswagen - and didn't break anything.

I've been struck by a red-bellied black snake. Not bit; struck. Apparently they sometimes give you a warning shot across the bows before they sink the fangs in.

I've tied to save the life of seven different people and succeeded six times. (And was abused for my efforts by the mother of one of the survivors).

I've hit a hole-in-one. Pure arse. I've only ever played golf about twenty times over a twenty-five year period.

And I once kicked our entire score in a winning football team (2.1, a low scoring affair in the bush in the under 15's in a gale, but still...)

Can you match that?

I doubt it, mortals.