Cotton

Now might be a good time to give a brief rundown on what's happening with the cotton here this year. We're growing about six varieties this year - I'm so serious about not researching that I forgot to bring the list home.

On the older development we are growing only Roundup-Ready varieties. This means that they have been genetically modified to allow them to tolerate being sprayed with glyphosate (only Monsanto's 'special' glyphosate', funnily enough). The varieties are Sicot 289BR, Sicot 71BR and DP560BG(R?). The Sicot are CSD varieties bred by the CSIRO, which I think retains ownership of the intellectual property, providing yet another example of cotton growers easing the load on the average taxpayer. (What colour is sarcasm?) The DP stands for Delta Pine, the Australian subsidiary of the American company Delta and Pinelands. They must have had a change of heart in the last few years. I haven't used Delta Pine seed for four years, back then all the varieties had names like Nu Pearl and Nu Opal. Guess they ran out of rocks.

On the new development we are growing 289B, 560BG and 570BG. The moderately well informed among you will know that all of the varieties mentioned, on both developments, are Bollgard (should be a trademark thingy there, fucked if I know how you get one of them, though) varieties. I can hear the greenies rumbling already. Yes, earth-children, WE ARE GROWING NOTHING BUT GENETICALLY MODIFIED COTTON THIS YEAR!!!!

That's right folks, at an average plant population of 14 plants per metre, over 1,000 hectares at a row spacing of one metre that means there will be (help me here, Tony) 140,000,000 mutated little money trees!

And you know what else? If you're in the states, or Oz or Central Asia and you've eaten lot-fed beef recently, or had fried takeaway food, or had some eggs or chicken there's a fair chance that you have eaten some genetically modified material, or eaten something that has. You see, first of all, cottonseed is very high in protein and has long been used as a component in stock- and poultry feed. Also, most commercial deep-frying oil has a large percentage of cottonseed oil in it. To the best of my knowledge, after asking a few people who are fairly well informed on these things, the gins don't make any sort of effort to separate the seed from GM- and non GM- cotton. Follow the chain, people.

Are you scared yet?

Maybe that will explain why little Billy was born with gills and why that third eye is forming on your forehead.

This bit should have a post of it's own but I am world-class lazy.

*Update: Tuesday, 10.00a.m.

I forgot to tell you yesterday what sort of sinister, planet raping chemicals we're using to plant with. First, the Roundup Ready; Nothing, that's the whole point.

Next, the sort-of conventional, we're using a mixture of two chemicals; Stomp Plus, which is Promethalin; and Bandit XG, which is a mixture of Prometryn and Fluometrin. All of these are pre-emergent herbicides. See, every day you can learn something new.

Yesterday a sporting moment of great significance to me took place, a moment which literally brought a tear to my eye. For the first time in fifty two years Australia has a World Speedway Champion. Jason Crump, the son of one of my childhood heroes and the grand-son of one of my fathers contemporaries,(and still Australian team-manager and damned fine fellow) needed only to reach the semi-finals of the last SGP of the year to win the championship. In heat 19, all he needed was first or second to make the semi's.

Attempt one: first corner, Niki Pedersen, last year's champion, got the strap for the slider plate on his left boot hooked around Crumps foot peg. All fall down - restart, nobody excluded. The nerves would have been twitchy by now, after all, it was at this stage last year in the same stadium (The Viking Ship Stadium in Hamar, Norway, winter-sports fans will know it as an ice-skating venue in the winter Olympics) that Crump blew his shot at the crown when he took out Rune Holta, funnily enough.

Attempt two: Just as they were ready to go for the second time, local hero Rune Holta pulled back from the tape and was excluded for not making the two-minute time limit between restarts.

Attempt three, first corner, fellow Aussie, Flyin' Ryan Sullivan falls again and is excluded, which leaves two. Crump needs to finish first or second to make the semi's. Crump needs to make the semi's to clinch the title. Can you work it out yet? Don't worry, it took Our Jason a while, too. Half-way around the track on the way back to the starting tape his head was hanging down as he tried to focus, then he realised... his head came up, he punched the air, he raised his arms in triumph... and fell off.

He was on autopilot after that, I reckon I could have beaten him. In my dreams.

So fifty two years after Jack Young last won the title, the championship is back home where it belongs, adding to the World Supersport Championship won by Karl Muggeridge this year (on the same bike for the same team as Chris Vermuelen when he won the title last year) As we all know, the worth of a nation is measured by its sporting prowess.

When we win.