I Never Liked Holland Anyway

Following on from yesterdays information about my lack of sex in recent decades, Cees Veerman, the Dutch Agriculture Minister is taking steps to extend the drought. It seems that last Monday he addressed the Dutch parliament to outline his plans to outlaw bestiality. It's already illegal to castrate your own pets in Holland (doesn't mention the neighbor's Tom that spends half the night doing Ozzy Osbourne medleys on the fence) but now they want to ban loving your dog or gerbil in a very special way!

I've given up on finding a human women who will let me subject her to the base urges that infest my imagination - for hours and hours, time after time, relentlessly, like a machine. Well 30 seconds really, including a quick cuddle afterwards. Some of those Labradoodles and Cavalier King Charles Spaniels were starting to look pretty cute, especially with the lights down low and about half-a-carton of social lubricant under my belt, but now I guess I'll never know, curse those Dutchies.

Of course, I don't live in Holland either.

Lassie, come home.