A bit of a breeze

First up a disclaimer; I got up at 4:30am yesterday and started work at 5:30am. I finished work at about eight o'clock this morning, which adds up to a fairly scattered redneck, so this little piece of prose - while it will still have an innate elegance and charm - may be somewhat jerky in its narrative flow.
I heard a lady on the steam powered wireless in the tractor (the Case bloke came and put new stereos in the new tractors during the week, still no mp3 players, but) this morning piss and moan about some wind storm she had the other night. She don't know shit. None of yers know shit.
Hurricane Katrina? Pfft. A gentle zephyr on an autmn afternoon compared to some of the stiff breezes I've seen.*
I recall one time in 1998 when I was zipping about the farm on a quad bike, irrigating (I'm quite a zippy chap) when I spotted a bit of a dust storm coming, so I went and hid in a convenient machinery shed. There was a row of tractors lined up outside the machinery shed; two of them got roofing iron through the windscreens, although I didn't find that out until later, visibility was down to about three metres. The other bloke who I was irrigating with got caught out on a head-ditch and had to hide behind a diesel engine on an irrigation pump. His bike got blown into the channel.
Another time, on the same farm, myself and a couple of other chappies were having a bit of a Sunday afternoon dip in the pool near the single men's quarters. We all had our lunchbox eskies with us with a few beers in them and were just floating about, looking at the interesting cloud formations. It just occurred to us to wonder why the two cloud formations were travelling in opposite directions when they bumped into each other. As soon as they touched, it began to hail golf ball sized chunks at us, coupled with an instant dose of 125kph+ winds. The pool was a hundred metres from the nearest solid building, no way were we going to run that far, so it was stay in the pool and use our esky lids as helmets. One of the blokes,who was a sheep fucker merino molester South Sea Pom Kiwi, thought that he would hide behind the shed that the pool pump and chlorine, etc. was kept in. Worked, too; until the shed blew away. The storm only lasted a few minutes, but it took weeks to clear all the mess away. One of the demountable units in the single men's quarters had blown over onto its roof; nobody in it at the time, fortunately. Two houses had extensive roof damage, another lost the entire roof from the top of the walls up. Another house, whilst not itself damaged, was moved about an inch and a half on its stumps. The verandah of the farm office was blown off. We found most of it a week later, about seven k's away on the other side of the storage. Speaking of the storage, the wind had whipped up some pretty good waves in there. The tops of the storage wall are normally thick enough that two standard sized four wheel drives can pass each other comfortably. After the storm you couldn't ride a quad bike around the far side of cell two (capacity:10,000,000,000 litres, or roughly every olympic swimming pool in Australasia***).
If you want proof that God exists - and drinks beer - here it is. All up there was several hundred thousand dollars damage (don't know what it cost, atcherly), two injuries requiring medical attention and no broken stubbies.

*The very first double entendre I ever understood was in an Alvin Purple movie I saw at the pitchers when I was about eleven. It was a very hot day (in the movie, dickhead) and Alvin was in a little store in a little country town. The store was operated by Abigail, a.k.a. the worlds least sexy sex symbol, who was complaining about the duration of the heatwave. As country store propietors are wont to do, she bent over in a very sort miniskirt to get something from the lowest shelf, exposing her ample buttocks through a pair of see-through knickers. As she did this she said "I haven't had a stiff breeze through here in months." Snerk, snerk.
** Toenote to the footnote. One scene in the movie caused great debate amongst the predominantly pubescent mail audience. Some actress whose name escapes me stood up from behind a desk to reveal that she had - wait for it - TRIMMED HER PUBES!!!!!! We couldn't believe that such depravity existed. Mind you, we were quite pleased that it did.
***I made the pool thing up, but it sounds about right.