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    2006 FIM FIAT VANS BRITISH SPEEDWAY GRAND PRIX 03.06.06
    1 2 CRUMP, Jason 25
    2 8 JONSSON, Andreas 20
    3 11 HAMPEL, Jaroslaw 18
    4 5 HANCOCK, Greg 16
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    13 15 IVERSEN, Niels-Kristian 5
    14 4 PEDERSEN, Nicki 4
    15 16 STEAD, Simon 3
    16 14 PROTASIEWICZ, Piotr 3


    SPEEDWAY GRAND PRIX 2006

    1st CRUMP, Jason 20 25 25 25 95
    2nd HANCOCK, Greg 5 20 20 16 61
    3rd PEDERSEN, Nicki 25 14 16 4 59
    4th GOLLOB, Tomasz 18 9 18 7 52
    5th HAMPEL, Jaroslaw 4 16 8 18 46
    6th JONSSON, Andreas 8 5 10 20 43
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    9th ADAMS, Leigh 10 7 11 6 34
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    11th PEDERSEN, Bjarne 5 6 7 12 30
    12th LINDBÄCK, Antonio 9 2 6 8 25
    13th RICHARDSON, Lee 8 4 0 5 17
    14th IVERSEN, Niels-Kristian 2 6 4 5 17
    15th PROTASIEWICZ, Piotr 1 3 3 3 10
    16th LINDGREN, Fredrik - - 7 - 7
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    Wednesday, November 17, 2004

    Sub-Species

    It has come to my attention that some persons are still having trouble telling the difference between the magnificent Redneck and the tawdry Bogan. I don't know, you people aren't trying are you?
    How can I explain it? Let's try similes, shall we? In much the same way that all taxi-cabs are motor-cars, but not all motor-cars are taxi-cabs so it is with Bogans and Rednecks; all Bogans are Rednecks, but not all Rednecks are Bogans. In much the same way that ecological and climactic conditions can trigger biological changes that turn grasshoppers into locusts, so it is with rednecks and Bogans.
    Scientists have yet to isolate the exact moment of change, but it has been observed that you will rarely find statistically significant numbers of bogans in an area of 10,000 square kilometres that does not have an overall population of 10,000 persons. Conversely, Rednecks are almost non-existent in an area with a population of more than 20 per sq.km. These numbers can fluctuate, of course; population transigence, latitude and distance from the coastal fringe all have an effect.
    Some early signs that Rednecks are becoming Boganized include a desire to sell the ute, a switch from rum to bourbon as the tipple of choice, a reduction in the amount of country music used to accompany mating rituals and a change from blaming the government (for everything except the weather, and even then...,) to relying on the government as a source of nourishment; which is taken in the form of Winnie blues and bourbon, tapering off to Drum and goon just before the next handout.
    One way of separating the dreaded Bogan from the wholesome Redneck is to take a family group of them out into a paddock and let them roam wild for a time. Listen to their primitive attempts at communication. Your Bogan group will say things like "Ooh, look Nev, aren't them trees noice."
    "Yeah Charlene, they're really..., Indiana...!, Indiana! Get out 'o that mud, you little shit! Your not bringin' that back in the Commodore!"
    "Maddyssyn, go get us me smokes, love, better get another UDL out of the esky for Daddy, too Darl."
    Whereas the Rednecks will be making noises like "Eh, Kev, have a look at the way little Brucie's hanging out of that tree. He'll break his arm again in a minute."
    "Yeah that last time was funny wasn't it Narelle. I reckon little Suzie'll break his fall this time, but. Have a look at this dirt would ya? I reckon you could have a wank onto the ground here and grow babies."
    Another way to separate the tribes is to hold a working bee at the local school. The Bogan women will hassle their mates to attend for weeks. Without success. Whereas the entire male Redneck population will turn up, including those without kids. All will be grumbling. 75% of the female population, including unjoined heifers, will attend, with nourishment.
    Any further questions, do not hesitate to ask. I exist to shed light on a dark field of research.

    5 Comments:

    Blogger Adie said...

    Choking here .. that was a corker!
    Dirk, you're a deadset legend and a fount of useless information we can all treasure.
    "In much the same way that ecological and climactic conditions can trigger biological changes that turn grasshoppers into locusts, so it is with rednecks and Bogans."
    HAHAH

    11/18/2004 12:49:00 pm  
    Blogger Dirk said...

    Choking, eh? Sorry about that... how long is it before a Heimlich manouvre is superfluous?

    11/18/2004 04:54:00 pm  
    Blogger Adie said...

    Too late ... I've recovered :-)

    11/19/2004 05:50:00 am  
    Blogger Hooch said...

    hehe thanks for clarifying that often confusing issue Dirk.

    I always thought that rednecks stood out because their necks did, infact, become red due to the outdoors work, whereas bogons remain pasty white from days spent in front of the telly or in the garage working on the meaning of life... aka their car.

    11/20/2004 06:58:00 pm  
    Blogger Dirk said...

    Hooch,
    I exist to assist.

    11/21/2004 08:27:00 am  

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